Life Lessons From Memaw
The title for this blog is from Maya Angelou. Read the title again and then think about what that means. Ms. Angelou was probably the most insightful person in the history of mankind. Her words were concise, meaningful, and relevant. This one simple statement says so much. In fact, if you live your life like this statement, you will have a rich, fulfilled life. Why? Because all of us have good days and bad days. That is called living. Good days are easy but bad days are hard. They are hard to endure so you can get back to a good day. But, like Ms. Angelou said, eventually that bad day will go away and a good day will come back. You have to sit through the storm, no matter how long it is, and then the sun will eventually come out. Sometimes it is a short storm; sometimes it is a really long storm. Sometimes the storm is light; sometimes it is a God awful hard storm. You have to go through the storm in order to see the sunshine. That's a fact. However, HOW you go through the storm is up to you. There are things to do and ways of thinking to get you through that storm.
The picture with this blog is what my Memaw would always say. Everything changes based on how you see it. Every decision, every act, every thought. If you look at life through only one lens, then you are missing a lot of life. You need to look at things from all angles in order to see it realistically. Don't assume seeing things one way or your way is always the truth.
Between Ms. Angelou and my Memaw, I learned my philosophy of my life. These two guiding forces have always steered me in the right direction. I have bad days; sometimes I have VERY bad days. But that is ok because I know that eventually the sun will come out and while I'm in the middle of a bad day, I need to look at things from different angles to help me deal with this bad day. Sometimes I just throw up my hands and say "Nothing is ever easy." This simple statement makes me feel instantly better because it gets me off the hook--even though it may not be true. There are times I just need to feel like it is the universe's fault and not mine:)
However, we do need to develop a set of coping skills to help us with these bad days. No matter why it is a bad day, how do we get through the storm? Developing these coping skills needs to be done on a good day, when we are not feeling so frustrated or overwhelmed because when I am in those feelings, I cannot think rationally or positively, no matter what. If I can just literally go to a list I have written down about how to make myself feel better, and pick something off that list, that helps me mentally. Let me give you an example of some of Memaw's friends talking one day....
It's lunch time again with the four friends--Laney, Dallas, Reba, and Beverly. Dallas comes into Beverly's house and sits at the table with her other three friends.
"I'm exhausted both physically and mentally! My ex-husband couldn't help this week with the children because he is out of town for work. I'm juggling child care and activities. Then my boss criticized my work on a major project. I'm so tired and frustrated!"
"It sounds like you aren't feeling very good about yourself with the boss criticizing you and all", remarked Beverly.
"And I feel like a crappy mom because I'm doing so many things and worried about work. I don't feel like I'm spending much time with the kids."
Reba chimed in. "I think we all get this way from time to time--feeling overwhelmed, stressed, frustrated, worthless."
"So what do you do when you are feeling this way?" asked Dallas.
"Well," said Reba, "for me, I am on anti anxiety medication. I'm not on them all the time, but when I feel like life is beating me up, then I go to the doctor and she puts me on my meds. It takes a while, but then I start to feel better. I'm usually on them for many months or a year, then when I think I'm ok without them, I talk to my doctor and she slowly decreases my amount until I am off them completely. Then, when things are getting bad again, I go back to her. She said this is the best method for me and to never stop taking them all at once. I just keep calling her and we work out a program for me. However, my sister is on anti anxiety and antidepressant meds all the time. She never goes off of them because that is the best program for her according to her doctor. Everyone is different. That is why it is so important to talk to your doctor about taking medication."
"Talking to your doctor is really key," replied Laney. "I think life hits you hard sometimes and you need to figure out what to do. I remember I was told once that you will always have stress in your life. The causes of stress may change, like I am not stressed about finals in college anymore, but now I am stressed about work. You need to develop a system of coping skills to help with that stress. It sounds like medication is one way for Reba to cope with stress. For me, it is exercise. When I feel stressed, I feel like I have all this pent up energy and I have to get rid of it. When I go for a nice, long walk or sometimes a run, I don't have that feeling of weight on my chest. Even my head seems clearer. I didn't solve the problem but with the negative energy gone, I feel like I can think more clearly and tackle the problem."
"I think walking is a great idea", said Beverly. "It is even something you can do at work during your lunch hour. I like to walk sometimes. Most of the time, when I feel overwhelmed or feeling low, I indulge in self care. I take time off my normal routine and I try to do things that make me feel good. I take long, hot baths; I like to have some chocolate treats; I like to spend some extra time petting and playing with the dogs. I have a whole list I created and I pick things off that list that brings me joy and relief. Sometimes, I only need an hour of self care; sometimes I need a few days! Once I start feeling like myself again, then I get back into my normal routine."
Dallas started feeling better already. Just talking with her friends made her feel like she was not alone. Everyone feels stress and anxiety in their lives. It is totally normal.
"These are all wonderful ideas. I definitely need to make a list of things that would help me cope with stress and anxiety. Just listening to all of you, I think I will not go to work tomorrow and spend the day with my children. It will be a Mental Health Day! Then, when I return to work the next day, I will be in a better place and look at my project with fresh eyes. I will also have spent an entire day just with my children and that will be good for my soul."
"I think that sounds like an awesome plan! Let's make a group list of possible coping skills so when we are feeling low or bad, we don't add to the stress by trying to find things to make us feel better. Everyone, yell out ideas and I will write them down."
Here is the list that the four friends came up with...
Exercise--walking, running, taking a class
Yoga, meditation, Tai Chi
Talking to your doctor about possible medication
Taking a day off from work or your normal routine
Taking a hot bath or shower
Reading, watching TV, listening to music
Set up your environment for a calming effect--lights are low, scented candles, soothing music
Do something for yourself--like getting a message, mani-pedi, getting a hair cut
Develop a 31-day calendar and fill in each square with what you can do to help cope with stress
Talk--to your friends, family, your dog. Talking almost always makes everything seem more manageable
#coping skills
Good read. Love the inclusion of the ladies and the dialogue. Loads of good mental health ideas for the retired set. Thanks for writing!