Life Lessons From Memaw
This week we have heard a lot about the Pope, his death, the mourning process, and how to elect a new Pope (conclave). Even if you are not Catholic, it is still really sad about a leader’s death. It has made me think about religion…
Statistics show that less and less people are attending church. Does that mean religion is not important? Well, yes and no in my opinion.
There are 6 developmental areas in our lives–physical, emotional (and psychological), financial, intellectual, social, and spiritual. All of these areas are important and when you neglect any area, then you are not in balance. Balance is what we all strive for. If we are balanced, our world seems right and manageable. Any out-of-alignment, and we seem off kilter. For example, if we don’t eat right, have little or no exercise, and/or have bad sleep patterns, then it affects every aspect of our lives–we are tired, we don’t feel good, and we may have no energy. If we have high anxiety, then we can’t concentrate or we can’t sleep. It is a domino effect–each area affects the other areas.
Notice that religion is not one of the areas. Actually, we call it spirituality. What is the difference? Well, let's talk about religion first.
Growing up, I went to church. However, I went to many different churches. When I was little, we were Southern Baptist and I attended that church. Then, when I was living with Memaw and Grandpa, we attended a Lutheran church, Missouri Synod. I was baptized and confirmed as a Lutheran. In college, I was Lutheran, then I moved to Chicago. Before I got married, I stayed Lutheran but my fiance was Catholic. So I went through the classes and was confirmed as Catholic. After my husband’s father died, we stopped going to the Catholic church but I still wanted to attend church, so we started going to a Lutheran church. Both of my daughters were baptized as Lutherans. Then we moved and switched churches again. We started going to a Methodist church and my oldest daughter was confirmed as a Methodist. Since then, we have gone back to a Catholic church and currently, I attend a non-denominational church. Yup, I am a church hopper!
From all of this hopping around, I have learned 3 things about myself. First, I could care less what religion I am affiliated with. Second, I am more concerned about feeling welcomed and learning about Christian values. Finally, I do like attending church!
However, not everybody likes attending church. Let me speak about my reasons and how I solved them. First, some people do like attending because there is a sense of community at worship. This is a reason why I DON’T like attending church. I want to be anonymous when going to service. I don’t want to talk to anyone or shake their hand. I know that sounds anti-social and it is but I am an introvert. Meeting strangers every Sunday is just too much for me. How did I solve this issue? My church is HUGE. There are thousands who are members. Each service, and there are around 8 services on any Sunday, are attended by about a thousand people. I blend in. There is no spotlight on me. I am just part of the crowd. Also, during our service, my church does not have us “greet” each other! I am very thankful for that.
Some religions cause you stress and anxiety by all the commitments they ask of you–socially and financially. Why would I go somewhere that causes me additional stress?? My church doesn’t. Financially, it is a very healthy church. And when they pass the offering plate, most people give online so no one looks at you weird if you don’t contribute. My church also does not pressure you to join, or volunteer, or anything. They give you many opportunities but it is up to you if you wish to do anything. You do as much or as little as you want.
Finally, some churches preach about how guilty you should feel because you are a sinner. And they judge you if you are gay, or divorced, or don’t attend every Sunday, or “different” in any way. My church could care less. Now, this church is mostly white, rich people. But many of our pastors are women and people of color. Our Director of Music wears dreadlocks! We have many guest pastors from other countries and other religions. My church does not deal with shame and guilt. The message every Sunday is about how you can be a better Christian to others. How to forgive, show mercy, and not judge. In today’s society, these are powerful messages.
Is my church perfect? Oh, absolutely not. They still ask for money. My husband thinks they pray too much:) And I wish there was a more diverse congregation. But I like going very much. I like the peace and quiet I feel when I sit in my pew. I like to look around and feel “calm”. I like listening to the singing and the powerful messages from the pastors. I like how I have one hour to myself to self-reflect.
Does that mean everyone should attend church? I would never say that either. To me, religion is a very private matter. I do not “witness” to others. I don’t bring anyone to church with me. I don’t judge anyone who doesn’t attend church. I, myself, do not attend every Sunday. I especially hate going on big holidays like Christmas and Easter–way too crowded! I think I am an unusual person about religion and very few feel the same way as I do.
However, I think everyone needs spirituality in their life. So, what is the difference? Spirituality and religion are different in many ways and the same in others. Spirituality is when you have a sense of connection with something greater than yourself. It helps you find meaning and purpose in your life. It gives you an appreciation for nature and human relationships. It is also your moral compass. Spirituality teaches you how to be a better person and treat others well. These teachings can come from a number of sources but it is not a formal religion. It can come from religion but it doesn’t necessarily have to. I think more people feel they are spiritual and less “religious”.
I feel this is a good thing. You can be “religious”, “spiritual”, or both. But this is a necessary area in your life and I think it is the most neglected because it is not talked about. Think of spirituality as your moral development. How do you treat people? How do you treat animals? Do you try to do the right thing? Or do you just do the easiest thing? How do you help other people? Do you self reflect about your behavior? Do you take responsibility for your own actions? Do you reflect on how lucky you are? How well things are going in your life and give thanks? These are all hard questions and even harder actions but they are necessary to keep balance in this area.
Notice I didn’t say to stay balanced in spirituality you must attend church regularly? I know many people who say they are “religious” and attend church every Sunday but who are very judgmental about others. They look down on people and offer little help when needed. They think they are too “good” to deal with some groups of people. These people who say they are “religious” really give religion a bad name.
We all need to spend time reading our moral compass. Is it pointed in the right direction? If so, why? What did we do that was good? If not, why not? What can we do to get back on the right path? We need to spend time with our spirituality. Sometimes, if we feel our life is out of whack, maybe it’s because we have been neglecting this area. Go to church or don’t. We just need to make sure we all are practicing patience, grace, humility, and compassion. If we do this, our moral compass will always point North.
