Teenagers are NOT Your Friends

Guess what?  Sixteen-year-olds are NOT your buddies, NOT your friends, NOT your chums.  Nor should they be.  Don’t ever mistake these sentences.  They can’t be any clearer…

This advice is mostly for all my new teachers out there.  Actually, this blog is for them.  However, also know this:  this advice is for PARENTS too.  Don’t be a friend to your child–they have plenty of friends.  You need to be their parent.  However, we will talk more about that in another blog.  Let’s continue with new teachers…

Many new teachers come right out of college and get their first teaching job when they are around 22, 23-years-old.  If you are teaching high school, that means you could be only 4 years older than some of your students!  You are even the same “generation” as your students.  You are all considered Gen Z.  Because of this, you may dress like your students, listen to the same music, even follow the same people on TikTok.  You may even think, “Hey!  This is a cool gig!  I get to hang out with my buds and still get paid!  Sweet!”

Let me dispel this fantasy of yours.  YOU ARE NOT BUDS WITH YOUR STUDENTS!  You are a teacher–a professional.  Your job is to teach these young minds.  You need to help them learn the content of your subject, how to navigate school and coursework successfully, and help them become a productive adult in society.  See, they are not adults yet.  They are teenagers, with a teenager’s reactive and impulsive brain, with a teenager’s hormones, and the feelings of low self-worth.  They are confused–they are still trying to figure out life and its meaning.  You, on the other hand, are NOT a teenager.  You are the adult.  You have a logical mind.  Your hormones are under the control of your logical mind.  You understand life and your place in it.  

Here are the golden rules to live by as a new, young teacher…

Do NOT dress like your students.  

Yes, you are the same generation and have the same clothes in your closet but you do not wear these clothes to your teaching job.  You dress professional.  You dress as a teacher.  Does that mean you are “uncool”?  Probably, but who cares?  You dress as the person who is in charge of the classroom of 30 teenagers.  You do not wear your jeans with holes in them, your low cut blouses, or short skirts with knee high boots.  Wear that on the weekends.  For your job, you dress professional, conservative, and comfortable.  If you wear a dress or skirt, they are just slightly above the knee, with appropriate shoes.  Your tops are conservative–you aren’t showing any skin that is inappropriate.  Don’t wear t-shirts that have inappropriate sayings.  In fact, no t-shirts at all except maybe on Fridays and these t-shirts are your school’s apparel–Go Bulldogs, or Spartans, or whatever.  No sweatshirts or yoga pants or sweatpants.  Dress for the job, not popularity with the students.  When in doubt, don’t wear it–or take a pic at home and send it to your mentor.  See what they say.

Do Not talk like them.  

Yes, I am sure you understand their young language.  You understand their slang and their shorthand comments (POS–parent over shoulder), and you may use the same language with your friends.  However, this language is not appropriate at school.  As THE adult, you are a role model to them and you are to use appropriate language. Also, it goes without saying, you never swear in front of the students.

Play music THEY like.  

As a young teacher, I’m sure you listen to the same type of music as your students.  In fact, you probably have a leg up on the older teachers because you know what songs are appropriate and which ones you can never play in class.  This is great but if you do play music in class, let the students pick.  Don’t think you are “cool” because you know what they want to listen to and play it before they ask.  They don’t want you to be “cool”--they want to pick their own music.  Just make sure it is appropriate and let them pick.

No social media that isn’t private.  

Be VERY careful with social media.  Your days of posting anything and everything are GONE!  First, make sure all your accounts are private.  Second, evaluate which accounts you can delete.  People have a way of finding accounts even when they are private.  Finally, NEVER post about your students or pictures of them.  NEVER post anything that may be construed as inappropriate–even if you are 23, don’t post a picture with a beer in your hand.  You have to be totally professional on social media.  Anything can be a fireable offense.  Don’t put administrators in that position.  When in doubt–DON’T POST!

You are their boss.  

Your students need to see you as the adult in charge for several reasons.  First, it is about boundaries.  Students need to feel secure in the hierarchy of the classroom.  They need to have that knowledge that you are in charge–no matter what.  You are the calm, professional in the room.  Second, if students feel that you are wishy-washy and are not setting firm limits, they will eat you alive.  They can smell blood and even the best of students will push the limits until those limits are gone.  WHEN this happens, you have lost control of your classroom.  Students need guidance–not an adult friend.

Do not contact them outside of school.  

If you are seeing a theme here, it is YOU ARE NOT THEIR FRIEND!!  Do not contact them outside of school.  Do not contact them with personal matters.   No texts, no phone calls.  If you need to call, then call the parents.  Do not speak to the student on the phone.  Do not have them in your car, in your house, or meet them at a restaurant.  Keep it professional.  If you see them at McDonald's, say hi but then order and take it home.  Don’t be rude: be respectful but leave. Let them see you only at school or school functions.

Email only.  

If you need to communicate with them, then email them.  “Hi Johnny.  You didn’t turn in your worksheet on American Indian culture.  Please complete it tonight and turn it in tomorrow.  Thanks!  Mrs. Jones”.  It is always a good idea to CC their parents on the email.  If you don’t know if your email is professional enough, imagine your administrator and the student’s parents are reading the email.  Get a second opinion from your mentor or fellow teachers–or both!

Enforce the rules.  

Always enforce the school rules and any rules you set up in your classroom.  All school rules must be enforced.  If not, then that can be a fireable offense.  Make sure you understand clearly from your administration–what happens if a student breaks a school rule?  Enforce the rule and the consequence that goes with the rule.  For example, if a student is tardy to class, give them a warning.  Second time, email the parents.  Third time, if the school says they get detention, then give them that consequence.  And document everything.  For your classroom, only have rules that compliment the school rules.  Make sure any rules you come up with you can explain to the students.  “Please stay in your seat while I am giving instructions.”  Why?  “In doing so, then you will hear all the instructions and will not disrupt others to hear those instructions too.”  Consequence if I don’t stay in my seat?  “If you break this rule, then you will have to stay after class and explain the instructions to me so that I know you have them correctly.”

Be caring, listen, help–all in a professional manner.  

You can be the adult.  You can enforce rules and consequences.  You can see and talk to the students only during school hours.  You can do all of this and still be a caring, concerned adult who wants to help the students and is invested in their growth and happiness.  Have the traits of a kind parent but not their friend!

Keep your private life–private.  

Again, are you seeing a theme here?  Yes, you can talk about your spouse or children to the students but keep it on point and relevant.  No one cares that my husband and I had date night last night but I might talk about the great movie we did see.  That way I can relate to my students without being gross!!

Many people will tell you what traits you have to have to be a good teacher.  Veteran teachers will tell you what NOT to do to be a great teacher.  Follow their advice, be a teacher not a friend to the students, and always ask when in doubt and you will have a long, impactful teaching career.