Are you Introverted? Extroverted? What is the Difference?

Jun 6

6 min read

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When I was growing up, I was socially awkward. I had a few friends but nothing deep. I spent most of my summers at Memaw’s house. She and I did everything together and I loved it.

As I got older, I got better socially but I still only have a few friends. These friends mean the world to me and our relationships run very deep. I’m happy. I think socially I’m doing ok.

In social psychology, there are two types of people–introverts and extroverts. I’m sure you have heard these terms before. But what are they? Is it important to know which type you are? Is there one that is “better” than the other?

Everyone that I know—family, friends, acquaintances–say I am an extrovert. I was a teacher for 35 years, so I know how to talk to a room full of students, parents, and faculty. When I am at the store, or a ballgame, or standing in line, people will talk to me almost every time. I will not initiate the conversation, but I will participate in it. One time, I kid you not, I was at a pumpkin farm and a mother gave me her toddler because the mom was crying hysterically. The toddler fell out of her stroller and was covered in blood (just scratches, she was fine) but the mom took one look at her, started sobbing, and handed the child to me!! No, I did not know the mom or the child!! Another time, I was in London and riding the “tube” (subway) when a woman looked at me and fainted in my arms. She was also fine later on, but these are the bizarre things that happen to me. My family always tease me that I will talk to anyone. When, in reality, people talk TO me first (or hand me their children or faint in my arms:) I think it is because I look like a mom and people feel safe when they talk to a “mom” figure.

However, I am not an extrovert. I am really an introvert. I consider it a “good” day if I talk to very few people! I like to be alone, with my husband, my daughters, or my dogs, and just read, write, watch tv, or do nothing. My oldest is like me. She has a few really good friends that she does fun things with but she also likes to be home and read, crochet, and hang out with her cat Charlie. My youngest is more like her dad. She LOVES being with other people. She makes friends easily and likes to be in a group. She has many different social groups and spends time with each group during the week. She is an extrovert.

Ok, so here were some examples but what are introverts and extroverts? Does it mean that if you are an introvert you hate people or are anti-social? Is it better to be an extrovert?

Introverts are individuals who recharge their energy through solitude and often prefer quiet, low-stimulation environments, while extroverts gain energy from social interactions and thrive in lively settings. Both traits exist on a continuum, meaning many people may exhibit characteristics of both introversion and extroversion.

The above definition was from A.I. Actually, he/she/it did a pretty decent job describing the terms. I’m impressed. I will add a little more to the definition…

Introverts gain their life energy from solitude but also from one-on-one conversations. They are not anti-social. They are just particular who they socialize with. The smaller the group, the better. Extroverts get their life energy from excitement, novelty, and engaging with other people. However, they do like their solitude sometimes but too much leaves them feeling restless and isolated.

Neither introverts nor extroverts are good or bad. They are just characteristics of your personality–like being shy, quiet, loud, funny, optimistic, etc. Almost all people are not 100% intro or extraverts. We are a combination of both but usually tend to lean one way more than the other. For example, my youngest loves to be with people, but she also likes having alone time so she can watch Real Housewives, cuddle with her cat Olive, and watch TikTok. My oldest likes to have her alone time but also likes to go out with her friends. The difference is where you get your life energy. My youngest will be alone, then decide she needs to be with people. She needs that life energy. She will even come visit us and cuddle with the dogs if she is desperate:) I mostly like to be alone but I do have my group of friends that I like to see on a regular basis so we can catch up and do fun activities.

It is important to know if you lean more towards an introvert or extrovert for a variety of reasons. First, you need to know as much as you can about yourself. It will help you with your career, your life choices, even picking your life partner. If you like to stay home but your partner likes to go out all the time, then conflicts may arise. Second, knowing yourself will help you take care of yourself. If you are an extrovert, then being alone all the time will make you feel low energy, maybe even like a depressive state. You need to be around people, at least occasionally, to get your juices flowing again. Finally, knowing where you get your life energy will help you combat loneliness. We talked about loneliness earlier this year and I said get a pet. Next week we will get a little more deeper into loneliness and what you can do to help yourself.

So let’s find out if you are mostly an extrovert or introvert. How you do that is to answer a series of questions. There are many tests online you can take but I have condensed a few to give you a “picture” of what they are like. I have simplified them so you get to choose one answer to each one. For each question, choose

A. Agree B. Neutral (neither agree or disagree) or C. Disagree

I know that for most of the questions, you might say “Well, it depends on the situation.” And you are right, but go with your gut and choose one of the answers. Then the scoring is below.

Being out with a big group of friends all night can be exhausting.
When a stranger talks to me, I consider it an opportunity to make a connection.
I think being on a reality show would be a nightmare.
It’s better to have a roommate than live alone.
I’d rather spend one-on-one time with a close friend than get together with a friend group.
It’s disappointing to review my weekly schedule and see that it includes no social plans.
I don’t like to feel pushed into dancing at parties.
At work meetings, I think it’s important to speak up often.
When I go to a party, I often think about how early it would be appropriate to leave.
One of the great attractions of travel is the opportunity to meet new people.
In work or in life, I’d rather take some time to consider the next step even if others are eager to rush ahead.
You find talking to new people energizing.
A day spent alone working on my hobbies sounds perfect.
You usually get more joy out of watching a great movie than reading a great book.
You’re more productive when you are alone in a quiet room.

Scoring:

For each Odd number (1, 3, 5, etc.), if you agree, give yourself 3 points, Neutral 2 points, Disagree 1 point. Add up all the points for odd numbers only.

For each Even number (2, 4, 6, etc.), if you agree, give yourself 3 points, Neutral 2 points, Disagree 1 point. Add up all the points for even numbers only.

Did you score more points for the odd numbers or the even number? Or was it pretty equal?

If your score is higher with the odd numbered statements, then you are more introverted.

If your score is higher with the even numbered statements, then you are more extroverted.

If your score is pretty even with the odd and even numbered statements, then you are more Ambivert—a combination of both introverted and extroverted.

Remember, this is a small quiz so your results may not be that accurate. For better quizzes and more explanations, research on the internet. Also remember to not take the quizzes too seriously. It is just a tool to help you get to know yourself better.

Either way, it is good to get some more information about yourself. Next week we will take that information and help ourselves with bouts of loneliness. Until then, enjoy your introverted, extroverted, or ambiverted week:)