"Have You Ever Had A Dream, Neo, That You Were So Sure It Was Real? What If You Were Unable to Wake From That Dream?"

How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?" --The Matrix

I see Memaw sitting in her chair. I am so happy to see her! We start talking about mundane things and then I realized that Memaw died a long time ago. But instead of being scared, I feel wistful. I know this is not real; I'm in a dream. But I want to keep talking to her because I miss her so much. When I do finally wake up, I actually feel happy!

Memaw died almost 4 decades ago, but I have this dream quite often. I'm always glad to have this dream because it makes me realize a few things. First, I remembered the dream in my waking life. Second, I encountered lucid dreaming. Third, I always remember how I felt during the dream and after I woke up. Finally, I know what the dream means.

A while ago, I wrote about sleep and sleep stages. I also wrote about the dream stage and challenged you to try to start remembering your dreams. How did you do? It's not easy always remembering your dreams. We dream about 4-5 times a night but we can't remember all of them. I don't think we are supposed to. If you can remember one of your dreams (or at least part of it), that is a real accomplishment. Can you remember a dream every night? Probably not, unless you put a lot of work into it. Should we remember our dreams every night? In theory, yes, that would be good. In real life, that is a big challenge to overcome.

So let's talk more about the realizations I had from my dream about Memaw and some odds and ends about dreaming.

We must try to remember our dreams at night. Sleep is about a 1/3 of our life and we need to know what is happening during those 8 hours. Mostly, sleep is a biological event (like eating and pooping) but there are aspects that happen during those 8 hours that reflects who we are and how we behave. These are called dreams. Remembering them is important to some degree. Most of our dreams (especially those in the beginning of the night) are weird, puzzling, and make no sense. This is because our body is recuperating from the day and filling up those tanks in our body. While we are getting refueled in our organs, cell production, hair growth, etc. and we are in our dream stage, our brain produces images and pictures that make little sense. However, as inconsequential that they may be, it still begs to ask "Why did those particular images come into my head? Do they mean something?" They may or may not, but most of us will not remember those dreams, so don't worry about them. We should try to remember that last dream of the night. That is the one with real world meaning and has little to do with our biological bodies refueling. It has more to do with cleaning our psyche and bringing awareness to our conscious level.

With Memaw's dream, I also accomplished lucid dreaming. This is when you are dreaming and become aware you are dreaming in the dream. It sounds like hitting the 4th wall in reality. Can anyone do it? Yes. Should you do it? Yes and no. Lucid dreaming takes practice but can be achieved. It is difficult at first, but with that practice, it becomes easier to do. It is a good skill to have when you are dreaming something scary. Being chased by spiders but you are running really slow? Then turn around and turn the spiders into puppies and try to pick one up. This can turn a nightmare into a good dream:) However, you don't want to do lucid dreaming too much. Part of the charm of dreams is that they are telling you things in your unconscious--a place where you can't get to except in dreams. Remembering your natural dreams helps you understand what is in your unconscious and how that is driving your behavior. If you continuously "change" your dream consciously, then you aren't getting access to that unconscious.

People always want to know what their dreams mean. There are thousands of books, podcasts, websites, and social media posts about the "true meaning of dreams." The problem is that you are the only one that can interpret your dream. Sigmund Freud was the Founding Father of dream interpretations. He wrote a famous book called "The Interpretation of Dreams". As much as I love Freud, do NOT try to read this book. First, it is almost 700 pages long and very dense. Second, it makes little sense because Freud was highly addicted to cocaine (which was legal at that time) when he wrote the book. Freud believed that all dreams had 2 meanings: the manifest meaning and the latent meaning. The manifest meaning was the actual storyline of the dream. For me, it was having a casual, normal conversation with a dead family member. The latent meaning is the hidden meaning of the dream. Why did I dream about Memaw? Why did we have a normal conversation? Did I unconsciously "forget" she has been dead for 40 years? Do I feel some type of guilt because she is dead? Freud said that it was more important to know the latent meaning of a dream then the true storyline.

But how do you know the latent meaning of a dream? Is the latent meaning really that important? What book, podcast, website, follower should I research to help me find that latent meaning?

Yes, the latent meaning of a dream is important. Again, it is giving you access to your unconscious. Freud believed that your behavior is largely driven by your unconscious, so to understand why you do the things you do is to understand your unconscious. However, there is no real expert that can interpret that latent meaning of your dream...except for you. You are the best expert in understanding your dreams and your unconscious. But how? By understanding your feelings during the dream and when you wake up.

You know what I am talking about. Maybe you dream about living on a boat, out in the sea, by yourself. You feel content, at peace during the dream. You wake up. You may still feel that peace (manifest meaning). Or maybe you feel panic, scared, afraid. You had a peaceful dream but why feel this anxiety? Maybe the dream is telling you that you feel alone in the world, with no purpose, and you are drifting. That is why you feel the panic and the fear (latent meaning). Only you can interpret your dream. To understand the latent content, look at your feelings. Your feelings are true, not the storyline of the dream. Access those feelings and then take a hard look at WHY you are feeling the way that you do. You will know when you hit the right answer. You will feel it.

When I dream about Memaw, the dreams are the same: we are talking, I realize that she is dead, I keep talking to her and savoring each moment, then I wake up. I always wake up at peace, feeling love, and treasuring those last few moments with her in the dream. So, looking at these feelings, what does it mean? For me, it means that sometimes I am so busy, that I forget to take a breath. Remember all the things that I have and take gratitude in my family, friends, and our relationships. I have this dream when I am feeling overwhelmed and this dream reminds me what is important; to focus on those things that ARE important and don't dwell on the unimportant things. It helps me put my life into perspective. This dream is what we call a "reoccurring dream". That means I have had this dream, or variations of it, several times. Reoccurring dreams are very important to understand their hidden meaning. Because you are having the dream more than once, then it is either an unresolved issue or something that is continuous in your life and you need to pay attention.

Here are a few more facts about sleep and dreams...

• Have you ever woke up from a dream and it seems like it was real? Our brains do not know the difference between dreams and reality. When you dream something, then your brain thinks it really did happen.

• Have you every dreams you are trying to run but you are either very slow or it is like running in mud? It is because we are temporarily "paralyzed" during our dream sleep stage. In this way, we will not re-enact our dream in our real world.

• For most of us, when you dream about a specific person, the latent meaning is not about that particular person. It is about who that person represents. You may dream that your dad is screaming at you. When you wake up, you are upset with your dad. But your dream's meaning may be your feeling of insecurity or lack of control with your boss at work. Your "dad" represented your "boss" in your dream.

• If you see a distinct face in your dreams, but you have no idea who it is, just concentrate on your feelings in the dream. The face means nothing but this--you have seen this face before. We NEVER dream of a face we haven't actually seen in our waking world. Our brain cannot conjugate a face out of nothing.

• Sleep walking and sleep talking do NOT usually occur during our dream stage (remember the paralysis?). They generally occur during stage 4--deep sleep. Yes, you can wake a sleep walker--they will not die:) Also, this is why a sleep talker makes little sense. They are not dreaming.

• Have you ever dreamed you die? Or do you wake up right before you die? Either thing is common. It is a myth that you will "die" in real life in the near future because you dreamed you died. Dreams and their content have little to do with real life--it is the feelings that tell us about our unconscious.

• However, if we hear sounds in our real world during our dream stage (like the TV or our alarm), they can become part of our dreams. Also, part of the manifest meaning of a dream is what did you watch on TV or on your phone before you went to sleep. That will show up in your dreams as a storyline but look for the feelings behind that dream. Don't worry about the storyline.

• You can smell in a dream. You also can dream in color or black/white. It is usually 50-50.

Sweet Dreams....