Life Lessons From Memaw
"I'm Through Accepting Limits, 'Cause Someone Says They're So"
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My memaw was what was labeled at the time as tender hearted. She would cry easily for something good and something sad. When something made her sad, I could understand why she would cry. But when she got teary-eyed at something good, like seeing me graduate from high school, I couldn’t really get that. Why are you crying when you are happy? It totally escaped me when I was young.
Well, like everything else in my life, as I got older, I started understanding more things because I started experiencing them myself. This “crying when happy” became very second nature to me. It is even a family joke on who can make mom cry by giving her a very thoughtful gift (like a book containing my first year of blogs) or a card that has beautiful words in it on how much they love me. Yup, I’ll cry every time.
There are many times I get overcome with emotion. I get this warm-and-fuzzy feeling. I am happy but emotional. And I feel this connection with others. Some examples…
I’m a big Wicked Part One fan. I have seen it many, many times. The first few times I saw it, I started crying at the beginning of the movie and rarely stopped throughout. When we got to the end of the movie with “Defying Gravity”, I was sobbing so much, I was hysterical. Was I sad? Nope. I was actually happy but overcome. I have seen it so many times, that now I only cry during the last song. I’m improving:)
I also cry at baptisms, even if I don’t know the family. When the pastor takes the child around the congregation, my face is wet with tears.
I do cry at some weddings but not many. I cried at my daughter’s but not at my cousin’s. But I cry at every baptism.
Same with funerals. But here is the weird part. I don’t cry because of the death. I usually cry during the eulogy. I like hearing about their wonderful life that they lived and all those that loved them.
I cry at certain songs, no matter where I am. I can’t sing Amazing Grace in church. I cry when the first few cords are played and continue crying until the end. I cry when Taps are played. That horn just kills me.
I cry when I see people proudly sing with their national anthem, like “O Canada” at hockey games; Or the song “Go, Cubs, Go” when the Chicago Cubs win and people sing in the stands.
I do cry when I am sad and watch sad movies like “Beaches” or “Stand By Me” but this isn’t very often. I mostly cry when I feel “touched”.
Yup, my family makes fun of me but I just learned the other day that this feeling I get, this emotional response, is called Kama Muta. Ha!! So, mom is not so crazy….there is actually a term for my crying when happy:)
Basically, Kama Muta is when we feel this connection with others. It is usually a deep, meaningful connection that can cause us to tear up. It is when we experience something that is important and significant to us and it “moves us”. It literally means “moved by love”. If you look up the term, they also talk about a few other things we should know about it.
It is evolutionary. It has occurred because of our interpersonal relationships. It keeps us connected, feel empathy, and commit more to those relationships. It helps to motivate continued engagement in relationships that sparked it.
It is an emotion. It is considered a “positive” emotion, although I don’t usually categorize emotions as positive or negative. This gets interpreted as “bad” or “good”. Emotions are emotions. We feel them all and we should. They are neither good nor bad. They are just how we feel at that time.
Kama Muta is about perception. In the same situation, three people will feel different things even though they are experiencing the same situation. That is normal. We all feel differently than others because of our perception, our past, and our experiences. Some may feel Kama Muta; some may not. Totally normal.
Finally, our reaction to a situation is different for everyone. Some of us may experience Kama Muta (warm and fuzzy) and be moved to tears; others may get goosebumps; still others may just smile.
However, whenever we experience Kama Muta, we feel this need to intensify and commit to our interpersonal relationships that caused that feeling. This is evolution to keep our race and culture going.
I have always felt that when I am crying because I feel this strong emotion, it is a good thing. Now, I have proof! And it has a name! Kama Muta. Go ahead, family, make fun of your mom. Like Dolly Pardon says in “Steel Magnolias”, “Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.”
Blog Website: https://www.lifelessonsfrommemaw.com/
