Life Lessons From Memaw
I love simple things, probably because I am a simple person. I am not one to multi-task. I can barely do one thing at a time, much less do several things at a time. Ask my family! When I am walking, I have to concentrate on walking, or down I go. I kid-you-not! I usually fall about 2-3 times a month. Thankfully, I roll really well and very rarely hurt myself. Just keep concentrating on walking and everything will be fine.
Back during the Covid pandemic (and the 5th anniversary is coming up), one thing I learned was KISS–Keep It Simple Stupid! I swear, I thought this was the best motto I had ever heard. And it is what I keep telling myself everyday. I should have learned this a long time ago because it is what Memaw followed–although she never said it quite so eloquently. She practiced it in her actions. When she was trying to balance her checkbook, she just worked on her checkbook. No music, no TV, no doing something else at the same time. When she was washing the dishes, she washed the dishes. We could talk to her but sometimes she didn’t respond. She was concentrating. It was best if we just talked among ourselves and she listened. At that time, it made me laugh that she concentrated so hard on things, like washing dishes, but now, once again, I am amazed at her wisdom.
For a long time, I tried to multi-task, especially when I started having children. How could I not? Seven things needed to be done all at the same time and I had to do them all at once. Sometimes, my girls would call me out on it–”Mom, you are not listening!” Even my husband knows that if he wants me to listen and I’m on the computer, he will say “Let me know when I can talk to you”, because I’m concentrating.
In September, I created a simple blog about one thing you could do to reduce stress in your life–Make Your Bed. It sounded silly, just making your bed, but research shows that chaos causes stress. You walk into your bedroom after a long day and see your bed made–your brain goes “That’s nice and clean. I like that!” This helps reduce your stress.
Today I want to talk about another simple solution to a complex problem–loneliness. Everybody feels a bout of loneliness now and then. It’s natural. Sometimes, we like being alone. Sometimes, we need to be with people. However, alone and loneliness are not the same thing. Being alone means you are by yourself–in a room, in your home, in your car–and you feel comfortable with that. Loneliness is when you feel that there is no one there for you. You can feel loneliness in a crowded room.
My mother-in-law is alone a lot. She is 86 years old and lives alone. She is 100% both physically and cognitively and loves living by herself. She is busy with her projects, her activities, and her family. Even though she lives alone, she sees people almost everyday. She talks to her neighbors, she meets for chorus every week, she goes out with friends, and most of her family lives blocks from her. She has 13 grandchildren (all adults) and at least one grandchild stops in to see her, texts her, or calls. She sees her own children several times a week. Does she get lonely? Sometimes, but it is usually short-lived and she moves on.
However, there are millions of people who feel lonely on a continuous basis. They wake up in the morning and go to bed at night and feel lonely the entire day. This is not a “bout” of loneliness. This is a pattern and one that they may not know how to break. This may be you or someone you know. So, what do you do?
There are thousands of books, articles, and research on this subject because so many people feel this way on a daily basis. And each one of those books and articles will give you many ways to overcome the loneliness. Maybe join a church. Maybe join a group that enjoys the same things you love, like photography or quilting. Maybe volunteer at an organization. Maybe reach out to your friends. The list is endless and each of these things are a great idea. However, like “making your bed” to reduce stress, I have another off the wall suggestion to reduce loneliness.
Get a pet.
Seriously. Pets are really a perfect solution to loneliness. Why? Because when you have to care for another living thing, it takes the focus off you and your problems. You have to concentrate on something else besides yourself. And when you do that, things start becoming clearer and your problems start to become smaller–including the problem of loneliness.
Let’s start with the obvious pet. What if you got a dog? This is a big responsibility and a big solution. Here are some questions you need to answer in owning a dog.
A dog does require a lot of work. What about a cat? Most people say they either love or hate cats. Usually the people who hate cats never owned one. People who had cats growing up mostly will have one as adults unless there is a reason–like their apartment doesn’t allow pets. So, let's look at a cat as a pet...
Dog, cat, snake, or mouse, owning a pet has a way of helping with the loneliness. Will it solve all your problems? Nope. Will owning a pet create new problems? Probably. But the rewards far outweigh the challenges. Owning a pet sounds like a very simple solution. It is. Remember, Keep It Simple Stupid.
