Life Lessons From Memaw
Memaw died at church. Actually, she was getting into her car right after service and had her final heart attack. She sat in the driver's seat, clutching the church bulletin, and died before anyone could save her. Someone at church called us. I was home where Memaw and I lived, cleaning the house because my parents were coming over. When I got the call, it wasn't something unusual. Memaw had a bad heart, so she had many heart attacks. Sometimes I would be driving her and she would say "My arm is starting to hurt" and we would drive directly to the nearest hospital. She had always survived her heart attacks, so when I got the call, I calmly grabbed her gallon Ziploc bag of her medication in the cabinet (this was before medical records were on computers), and raced to the ER. However, when I realized that I had beaten the ambulance, I got a bad feeling. Then I knew it was bad when the ambulance finally came, with the light on, but no siren. That is never a good sign.
At the end of that same day, my parents forced me to walk to the church and drive Memaw's car home. Yes, they could have gotten a neighbor to do it, or any one of our family members that lived close, but I was the one who was sent. That is a trauma that still haunts me to this day: to open the car door, sit in the same seat she died in hours earlier, and moving the crinkled church bulletin that the parametics took out of her hand. When the ambulance came to the ER and I realized that Memaw did not survive this heart attack, I was hysterical. The ER doctor threatened to sedate me if I didn't get it together. As I was driving home in Memaw's car, I wasn't much better. I don't always remember many scenes in my life in great detail, but I will never forget that day and that moment in her car, driving back to her house, with the knowledge I would never see her again.
Afterwards, I was very mad. I think most of my anger was at Memaw for leaving me. Obviously, I got over that anger. But one thing I never did was blame God. I don't know why. I still don't know but I never felt it was His fault. I wasn't an over-religious person, but it just never entered my head that it was His fault for taking her from me. Psychologically, this would have helped me better than getting over the guilt of blaming Memaw, but that is for another therapy session....:)
As I have stated before, I have been affiliated with many religions--Southern Baptists, Lutheran (both Wisconsin Synod and Missouri Synod), Catholic, Methodist, and now I belong to a non-denominational church. I have family members who are Mormons, atheist (don't believe there is a God), and agnostics (do not worship a God). I live in an Amish and Menonite community. I have studied in great detail Buddhism , Taoism, and Confucianism. Probably the two religions I have little experience or knowledge about is Judaism and Islamic--although I know their basic principles.
As we progress from childhood to adulthood, one of our areas that seems to get neglected is our spiritual growth. Maybe religion was part of your childhood; maybe not. But, as adults, we need to circle back to this area of spirituality so we can discover and define what we believe in. This area is often ignored because we feel we will "get to it later"--like when we are contemplating our death.
However, when this area is overlooked and we don't pay attention to it, it can affect our lives in many different ways. If we don't know what we believe in, then we have a difficult time figuring out what type of person we are. Do I value honesty or winning at any cost? Do I value my friendships or do I value popularity? Do I think people should live their lives any way they want or do I think there is a right and wrong in every situation? Do I believe in a loving God, a punishing God, or God at all?
Yes, these questions determine how you are going to live your life, are you living your life the way you want, and how you make decisions.
Does that mean I have to be religious? Absolutely not. Some people choose the path of religion and then must decide which religion aligns with their values and beliefs. Again, there are so many different religions; there is one for everyone if they want it. You just have to do the research and experience different places of worship to find what fits for you.
Some people choose the path of spirituality. Spirituality is your own journey to find what fits with your morals, your values, your soul. It can be with a religion or it can be on your own--finding things that feed your soul and make you want to be a better person. It can be self-help books or podcasts. It could be following spiritual leaders on social media. Or seeking guidance and counseling with different forms of therapy. Spirituality allows you to come to terms with your life and process your experiences, especially difficult ones, so that you come out with a strong self-esteem, a respect for others, and an appreciation for all that life has to offer. It brings together your mind, your heart, and your soul so that you feel balanced, at peace, and that you have a great quality of life.
As you can see, spirituality and religion are not at odds with each other. You can choose religion, spirituality, or both for your deep connection journey to your own philosophy. The point is that you have to take that journey. Avoiding it or paying it little attention will result in having an area in your life that is unbalanced and unfulfilled. Yes, this will affect your life in small and large ways.
In the Star War movies, this unbalanced is shown throughout by not using The Force. The Force is this mystical energy field that all living things have and create. It is what binds all living things together. The Force is used because it represents the balance between good and evil. This is the spirituality in the Star War movies. Although mythical and created in Hollywood, it is a good demonstration and example of what spirituality can be in a person's life.
Yes, this is a personal journey. But spirituality is a journey worth taking. It is not done in one afternoon, but like all of life's well-being areas, it is a journey throughout life. Make the choice to take the journey. You will notice the difference in your life.
"Don't underestimate The Force"....Darth Vader
