"Veruca Salt: I want a party with roomfuls of laughter, / Ten thousand tons of ice cream, / And if I don't get the things I am after, / I'm going to screeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEAM."
- lifelessonsfrommem
- 1 day ago
- 5 min read
Memaw used to always tell me that my dad was a perfect son and he never did anything wrong. She couldn’t remember any bad memories. For a long time I thought that that was very true–that my dad was just the perfect person. Now I know that as a parent, Memaw just focused on the good memories and forgot about the bad ones.
That is true of most parents. If you ask moms about the delivery of the baby, the pain, the awfulness, they don’t remember any of that. They just remember the beautiful baby that they got to hold when their child was born. Even parents like me who had a C-section don’t remember the ugliness. I had a friend who had abdominal surgery a while back and she was asking me about how painful the stitches were and the limitations of being able to do things for a while. I honestly don’t remember the pain or any of that. It’s been 25 years ago, but you forget almost instantly.
You know I am not a fan of gentle parenting. Here’s an example of gentle parenting vs. real parenting:
“I know you are having real feelings for a 4-year-old and those feelings involve not wanting to put your shoes on to go to school. You would rather play more games on your IPad. We can wait until you are ready to put your shoes on.”
Vs.
“I know you want to play on your IPad more but we need to leave to get you to school on time. Please put your shoes on. If you don’t, then I will put them on for you!” And I would do just that–put their shoes on them and put them in the car (even if I had to carry them to the car!)
For most parents, evenings are the most difficult time of the day. It doesn’t matter if you are a stay-at-home parent, taking care of siblings at home, or you work full time. Here is a typical schedule…
You pick up the kids from school or after school care (after working all day in the office or at home). You are exhausted and so are the kids. You go home and give them a small snack. They get a few minutes to relax and you get to change clothes (and take that bra off!!). After a few minutes, then the kids start on homework and you help. This will be a first of many battles this evening. At around 5:00, you start making dinner and hopefully they are done with homework (probably not) and send them outside for a few minutes if it is still nice out. Give them dinner (another battle), then you clean up and they watch a little TV or on IPads. Then you give them baths, which hopefully is relaxing and you get to chill and talk with your kids (probably not because one is in the bathtub and the others are causing messes and fighting). After baths, PJs, brush teeth (another battle), hopefully read a couple of books that you have read 1000 times, and then bed time (another battle).
Wow–for those without kids–I bet you can’t WAIT to be a parent after hearing this!!
Sometimes, after dinner, there are not so many battles. The kids are fed, relaxing, and getting ready for bed. You are also fed, unwinding at home, and things in the evening seem simpler and slowing down.
It is the after school to after dinner time that is tough. In the parenting world, we call this the Witching Hour. It is total chaos and battles. Why? Well, there are several reasons. First, the kids have been at school all day and have been on their best behavior. At home, they have the meltdowns. The same is for you. You have been in business mode all day and at home you can “let your hair down” (and have your meltdowns!). When you and the kids come home, you are tired, hungry, and overspent. Can you just chill? Oh, no. You have to get everything done for the night–so now you feel pressure, anxiety, and frustration.
The Witching Hour.
Take a walk around your neighborhood around dinner time. I bet you hear kids crying in their homes up and down the street. I know I have.
At the end of the evening it is good–bath, PJs, reading, bed. This is a calming evening, with few battles (sometimes none!), and it is another way for you to connect with your children. But the Witching Hour (after school until after dinner) is a struggle.
So why not change it?
I have been reading a ton of articles and TikToks about a new trend in parenting. Now, you know I am always skeptical of anything new in parenting because it is either something we did before and just being remarketed or it stupid. This trend I am totally on board with.
Eating dinner right after coming home from school.
Yup, that means feeding your children dinner at 3:30 or 4:00. It makes total sense! When you and the children come home, you are irritable, hungry, and crabby. Instead of making a snack, then making dinner later, just make dinner NOW. Give them spaghetti and meatballs, pizza, grilled cheese, instead of a snack. The articles and TikTok parents talk about how sometimes the kids will snack excessively and not eat dinner. Not a problem if dinner is served instead. The kids may have games or activities later in the evening, so dinner is really late. Not anymore.
With full tummies, you are more pleasant and the kids are not crabby. During dinner, right after school and work, you can talk about your day with your children. Connecting with them and planning your evening. After dinner, while you are cleaning, they are doing homework. Then play time before bedtime routine. Maybe a small snack like apples and peanut butter before brushing their teeth if they want it.
Parents are fully endorsing this idea but there are a few hiccups. What if one parent doesn’t get home until 6:00 every night? One mom talked about this. She said when the dad came home, he would eat his dinner while the kids would have their evening snack. The kids are in a good mood because they already had dinner and are eating a snack but still at the table, talking to dad. It was much more calm and relaxing for everyone. Another problem might be that your child has practice after school and may not get home until 5:00. Parents said that they would serve dinner to the other siblings earlier and the child that had practice could eat dinner with dad and the siblings would eat a snack at the table.
Finally, parents gave 3 bits of advice. First, don’t have a schedule because it is “normal”. You need to have a schedule that fits your family’s needs. Second, it doesn’t have to be permanent. Re-evaluate whenever needed and make those changes. Finally, every night might be different because of sports, activities etc. So then serve dinner at different times when needed. Nobody said it has to be the exact same time every night.
I have always said that parenting is hard and no one will ever convince me otherwise. As parents, we need to do what we can to help our family be healthy–both physically and emotionally. Talk to other parents, do your research for ideas. Don’t be afraid of change or to be different but always use common sense. Remember–your family comes first. Always.
Blog Website: https://www.lifelessonsfrommemaw.com/
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