"Why are you trying to destroy us?" Susan Storm

lifelessonsfrommem

Jan 22

3 min read

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Dear Greenland,

I am writing to you to apologize for our behavior as the United States. I’m actually getting very good about writing these apology letters. I wrote one to Canada less than a year ago for the exact same reason–our behavior. However, with Canada, we were just being bullies. With you, Greenland, we have actually threatened you with violence. How despicable!

You are a wonderful country, full of rich resources. Because of these resources, your geographic location, and your peacefulness, the United States wants to own you. This is not the first time. We have had Secretary of States and past presidents (like Taft and Truman) try to buy you. Even President Trump wanted to buy you in 2017, but you and Denmark kindly and firmly said no.

There are many reasons why the United States wants you. You are very large–about the size of California and Mexico combined. You are covered with a large sheet of ice. Because of this, you contain about 10% of the Earth’s fresh water.

You also have many natural resources. You have a rich abundance of rare earth elements. These elements are used for electronics, batteries, and defense technologies. Right now, the U.S. relies on China for these elements, so getting them from you would help sever more ties with China. You also have minerals like iron and gold and have the potential of a lot of natural gas and oil off your coast.

Strategically, your location is phenomenal. You are located between us and Russia and China. That is huge for defense. For example, you could let us know immediately if Russia or China fired any missiles toward the United States. If Russia was moving any defense ships toward the U.S., they have to go through you first. You are also located centrally for many shipping routes. These routes could be controlled (and even charged) by you.

If the United States owned Greenland, there would be so many advantages for the United States. But the funny thing is, all of these advantages are already being used by the U.S. Greenland, you are amazing by already sharing some of those rare minerals with us. You already allow us to have a military base so we can keep tabs on Russia and China. You are so generous with us already. You even allow us to create some of our films on your land (like Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer).

And how do we thank you for your generosity? How do we celebrate how wonderful you are to us? By threatening you. By threatening other countries that you are friends with–France, United Kingdom, Germany, Denmark, Norway, Sweden, the Netherlands, and Finland. We threaten you with violence; with a military attack. We threaten your friends with major increases in tariffs.

We asked Denmark to buy you; you and Denmark politely said no. That should be the end. But, once again, we are not using our company manners and are throwing a tantrum because we can’t own all the toys in the sandbox. Us Americans are ashamed, embarrassed, and truly sorry. Even your own people have protested about being owned by the United States. We are not using our listening ears right now.

Please accept our apology Greenland. We are very sorry and are hoping this all goes away very soon. Then we can start repairing our relationship again. Please know that some of our leaders are not speaking for all of us. We are all not bullies. In a world of hate and violence, we really appreciate our kind friends. Sometimes, we just forget ourselves. I promise, we will grow up soon!

Sincerely and Warmly,

Most of the citizens of the United States